[CIMC-working] PROPOSED: Interfaith Vigil and Candle light Procession For Peace - draft

[Chris Kaihatsu]

Doug, all,


I'd say that it should be just one graf. All three sounds like a mini-story
of its own. If you want to boil it all down to one graf, I'd say cut the
quotes.

Use only one space after the end of a sentence, not two, throughout.



Title:=20

"Candlelight" -- one word.

I think we should be consistent with headline style -- I prefer including
verbs. We seem to be capitalizing each and every word. One idea: "Faithful
Gather For Candlelight Vigil and Procession For Peace" or "Faithful Hold
Candlelight Procession For Peace".

on 12/16/02 5:12 PM, Doug Morris at being@enteract.com wrote:

> OK, this is rough draft...
> Does anyone want to work on this?
> OK to edit and put up?
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> bar:
> Peace & Justice
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> title:
> Interfaith Vigil and Candle light Procession For Peace
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> image:
> photo, from one of
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> text: [ROUGH DRAFT!]
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1st graf:

Is "Interfaith vigil for Peace" a proper noun or not? If yes, it should all
be up (capitalized first letters of the words), if not, then only "An" is
capitalized.

My article said 300, you're saying 500.

You could say "...was held at a plaza next to St. James Episcopal
Cathedral." Don=B9t use the word "nearby."

"call to prayer" -- up or down?

what is "Native American flute"? -- looks like a run-on sentence.

"religious leaders" -- up or down?

How about: "Twenty-four cities have signed resolutions against launching wa=
r
in Iraq as petitions circulate in Chicago for a similar City Council
resolution." -- to replace "Petitions...such resolutions."

"After the vigil and service" -- no comma.

"...1500 people carried candles, marching down..." -- kill "carrying lit
candles"

"holiday-lighted"

"Magnificent Mile"

"chanting"




> An Interfaith vigil for Peace [link to Chris K. article] attended by 500
> people was held at a ____ plaza by St. James Episcopal Cathedral, Wabash
> and Huron, while a thousand attended a prayer service nearby. The service=
s
> included a Muslim call to Prayer, Native American flute, Hindu, Muslim,
> Christian, Jewish prayers and a statement of Chicago Religious leaders
> calling for peace with justice.  Petitions were circulated for signatures
> calling for a city of Chicago resolution against War in Iraq. To date, at
> least 24 cities have signed such resolutions [link to global indy feature
> on this].  After the vigil and service, an estimated 1500 people marched
> down the holiday lighted trees of the magnificent mile of Michigan Avenue=
,
> carrying lit candles, chating, "Peace, Salaam, Shalom" along the route.
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2nd graf:=20

Where they marched to -- and where most downtown rallies seem to be -- is
not actually Tribune Plaza, but Pioneer Court. It would be "At..." not
"On..." Instead of using the passive voice -- which is to be systematically
avoided in most writing -- how about: "Marchers ended at Pioneer Court wher=
e
they sang songs and listened to speakers like Bishop C. Joseph Sprague,
United Methodist Church, who gave a rousing speech."

The sentence "The crowd cheered..." needs work.

"We protest..."

"un-American"

"first"

"We are going..."

"We'll continue..."

And avoid using ellipses.


> On Tribune Plaza, a __ was held after the march. Various songs and talks
> were shared. [link perhaps to poem here] Bishop C. Joseph Sprague of the
> United Methodist Church gave a rousing speech. The crowd cheered loudly a=
t
> the invocations of peace, "we protest the unamerican ideology of fist
> strike... we are going to give voice to the voiceless in a crescendo of
> peace." Calvin Morris, with the Society for Community Renewal, led everyo=
ne
> in singing, "we'll continue the struggle for peace,
> down by the riverside..."


3rd graf:

"inter-faith" or "interfaith" throughout?

"1" or "1st"? Be consistent with whichever style you go with, throughout.

"released"

Avoid using parentheses.

Avoid the passive voice.

"On December 8th various..."


Chris



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> The vigil and march were the third in a series of three inter-faith event=
s
> in the last two weeks. On December 1, Chicago religious leaders releasing=
 a
> statement against war in Iraq announcing upcoming peace events. [link to
> story]  On December 8th =96 various public peace actions (vigils, public
> prayers, marches, etc.) by church, community and peace groups were held
> throughout the Chicago metropolitan area. [link to weekend report]
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> Read: report | poem | reflections
> Photos: 1, 2, 3, etc.
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> Links:
> what ?
> http://www.grassrootsvoices.org
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> _______________________________________________
> Imc-chicago-working mailing list
> Imc-chicago-working@lists.indymedia.org
> http://lists.indymedia.org/mailman/listinfo/imc-chicago-working
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