[Seattle-editorial] FP: 911 and Iraq

[Jeremy G Kahn]

I like the writing, but I have a few comments and concerns.  Listed 
below, roughly from the general to the specific.

(1): I think it's too long for a center-column piece as written. It 
could be posted as a newswire article and maybe we could link the first 
few paragraphs.

(2): shouldn't it mention that GWB and Rumsfeld (but not Cheney) have 
just (yesterday) *admitted* that Iraq had nothing to do with Sept 11?

(3) Some unusual usages:
"We've invaded Panama, Cuba ... Cambodia < semicolon here > we are 
everywhere in ...
I wouldn't say "war made humane" -- "sanitized", yes, but I would argue 
nobody's even trying to make war more humane. "palatable", perhaps, but 
not humane.
"disarming quiet" seems like a strange description of the silence after 
9-11.
"Demolished" in the first sentence sounds like a construction crew did it. 
"less Americans realize" should read "fewer Americans realize", since 
"Americans" is a count noun, not a mass noun.
"obfuscated from view" is redundant (and confusing), say "hidden from 
view" (simpler language) or "obfuscated" (stronger implication that it's 
deliberately hidden).

(4): spellcheck. I know spelling is an arbitrary institution, but it's 
part of being taken seriously in American media. (here's the correct 
versions: "casualties", "Saudi", "disappeared", "broadcasts", 
"originally", "Middle East" should be capitalized, Southeast Asia should 
be just that, not "SE Asia", shouldn't "bin Laden" be de-capitalized on 
"bin"?, "assassinations", )


Needs some work; I like the idea but please take these considerations 
into account.

--jeremy


Gentry Lange wrote:

>Ok group, here's a first draft of what I've whipped up for us all to ponder.
>I am looking to get a collective Editorial Voiced Feature put together for a
>sort of "Best of Indymedia and the Web's 911 and Iraq War writing". So I've
>taken a stab at writting a full outline of a review, with no particular
>thesis. I welcome additions, rewrites, comments, mistakes, etc.
>
>So far I haven't added many of the links into the feature, for 1st drafts I
>just list them, and then add them later.  So please send me links, websites,
>background info, etc. As indicated I want to encourage readers to do the
>same. I am going to start on a rewrite after I make some dinner, this is not
>a finished article by any means... but I sorta get lost in it and start
>rambling. So take it as the first draft that it is, I plan on making a short
>version, linked to a longer newswire article.
>
>The current web version is here: http://www.art13.com/gentry/rants/. It
>includes the picture I want to use with caption and a link list... but don't
>read too far, it ends with the start of "The Bush Chronicles", a different
>story under construction.
>
>Regards,
>Gentry
>____________________________________________________________________________
>____
>
>Title: 911 and The War We've Started
>Sub: Two Years in Review
>
>Two years after the World Trade Center was demolished, a majority of U.S.
>citizens believe that Saddam Hussein was behind the September 11th attacks.
>
>Have you noticed that government officials never officially blamned Iraq?
>Why would they? The plans for attack were drawn up years ago. We've invaded
>Panama, Cuba, Korea, Japan, Vietnam, Cambodia, we are everywhere in Central
>and South America, and we are everywhere in SE Asia. The middle east is the
>last hold-out.
>
>The government origianally said Bin Laden did it. But Osama Bin Laden
>dissappeared. While most Americans may remember the disarming quiet of the
>days following the attacks when the entire country became a no-fly zone,
>less Americans realize that of the planes that were allowed to fly, one
>contained the entire Bin Laden family. Gathered up and flown back to Suadi
>Arabia, out of Boston, supposedly "for their own safety".
>
>3000 or more died in the World Trade Centers, just how many have died around
>the world since then at the hands of Americans, or American forces?
>
>It really depends on how you count. Afghanistan... Iraq, Southeast Asia.
>Where do we have troops? What are they doing? Most voting Americans probably
>don't know. How many have died at the desire of the US government in the
>past 100 years? Invasions... everywhere.
>
>Iraq is now a rapidly deepening quagmire, and the causualties are mounting,
>xxx to date. The corporate media in the US broabcasts pictures of bombs
>exploding, precision guided weapons, war made more humane and deeply
>sanitized for delicate American viewers. While the humanity of our victims
>remains obfuscated from view and the numbers we kill are quietly reported on
>the backpage of the World News sections of US papers. The number of dead
>Americans makes headline news on CNN.
>
>So far during the illegal invasion of Iraq the United States has used
>Depleted Uranium Ammunitions, chemical weapons, and conducted assasinations.
>The Bush Administration wanted this war, 911 provided a pretext, and
>Afghanistan provided a first taste of blood. But when that wasn't enough,
>Bush himself got up at the STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS, and then LIED TO THE
>AMERICAN PEOPLE.
>
>Bill Clinton lied about getting a blowjob to a Federal Judge. And for this
>he was impeached.
>
>There's little about 911 that hasn't been written and investigated elsewhere
>on the web. To that end I encourage you to post a good 911, or War
>information website link below as a response to this article.
>
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